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030: How Are You, Really? I’m a Mess!
Episode Description:
How are you doing? Don’t give the fake answer. How are you really doing? With a world ruled by a pandemic, racism, masks, and politics it would be completely understandable if you were a mess. I know I am. In this episode of the podcast, we talk about depression, mental fatigue and how many people are struggling but don’t feel they have permission to be vulnerable about where they are. For us to live real and be authentic, we have to throw off our shame, speak up and help one another.
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FULL TRANSCRIPT:
Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome to Episode 30. of let's get trying with Aaron Lee. I'm very excited because I don't know why. But 30 feels like a milestone, it feels like a place where we need to just stop and make an altar to the Lord and say, Hey, thank you so much for what you've done, how you've brought us to this place. And so I'm excited about this episode. Now I'm going to be very honest with you, which I always try to be, today's episode is going to be a little different, it's going to be different because I feel like we need to be off script. So I usually have some talking points and some specific things that I try to dig really hard into will today, I just want to share my heart. And I want to share some of the things that are going on with me. And hopefully, it will either encourage you or or challenge you to live real and be authentic. And I think that's what's really important when it comes to this. But we'll we'll talk more about that in just a minute. As always, if you wouldn't mind, it would mean so much to me, if you would just rate and review and subscribe to the podcast, it's really helpful. I wish you understood this. For those of us who podcast and aren't able to promote the way other podcasts promote, it would be so great. If you can help do that you become the people who promote it, when you share it on social media or you share it with a friend or family member that you think it could be helpful for. So please consider doing that you can do that on social media. Like I said, you can tag me in that and that would be awesome. You can find my Instagram page and errante li or you can find the podcast Instagram page at let's get trying. Also, would you consider going over to aarontlee.com scrolling down to the bottom and subscribing to the newsletter because the newsletter is the best way to stay up to date with what's going on to see more content, and maybe just to be a part of the community that we're trying to create here. And I forgot to mention this a moment ago. But if you're new to the podcast, and you're just learning about what this podcast is all about, you heard it in the intro, but it's about living real and being authentic. And that is in so many different ways. Now I will say we lean heavy towards very mental health type issues, spiritual things, which I believe are so valuable, so important. But if you don't know a whole lot about this podcast, I would encourage you to jump back to Episode 25. And you can listen to why we we rebranded this podcast to be called let's get trying with Aaron Lee used to be called The Anxious Pastor Podcast. But you can learn more about why we did that. And the whole heart behind what it means to be authentic, which is what Jesus called us to is how Jesus lived his life. And it's what we're called to be. Now, I feel like sometimes I'm not practicing that real well, because when I have a script, which is where I'm going with this episode, when I have a script, I'm not raw with you guys the way I really feel like sometimes I need to be. And if you've jumped back to some of the I had these things called my anxiety journals, and I still plan on continuing those. And so this is kind of a an extended version of my anxiety journal as I talk about some of the things I've been dealing with for probably several months now. And I haven't really laid them out for you in these last few episodes.
And I felt like you know what, Episode 30 It's a milestone, I want to celebrate what God's done. But I also want to be very real with you. And I also want to be very authentic, which means if you remember, if you've been listening, it means that our internal values, the things that we believe are important, line up with how we live our lives. So our internal values and our external actions, they line up together. That's what authenticity is all about. So I imagine that many of you are sitting in your car on your way to work or drop your kids off at school or, or maybe there's many of you who are sitting at your office at work, or you're maybe you're at a coffee shop, just kind of engaging in this podcast through that or you're not even listening at all and that's okay. But I will say there is a question that's been rattling around in my head that I'm having a hard time answering right now. And so as you're doing these things as you're listening to this episode, as you're driving in your car, you're sitting at work or you're in that coffee shop I want you to think about this question.
How are you doing? I mean, really like, how are you doing? Like, how do you feel right now? Are you happy? Are you joyous? Are you miserable? Are you depressed? Are you anxious? Are you frustrated? Are you pissed off? Are you ready to just pull your hair out? Are you tired? Are you annoyed? Are you excited? Are you anticipating new things? I don't know where you're at today. But I know that there are many of us who are sitting where we are right in this moment. And we're worn out. We're worn out people. I am so tired. And I'm not just talking about from a physical standpoint, I'm talking about mentally I am worn out. I've been wrestling with some very, very deep depression. These past several weeks, actually, I would say several months. Now it comes and goes, so don't think I'm just some guy that's living in his sorrows. But what I will say is that when I answer that question, when I asked myself that question, how are you doing? I have to be honest, and say, not great. And really not great isn't the best way to say it. It's probably, you know, I'm a hot mess. I'm a hot mess. There's so many ways we can describe where we are right now. Now, if you're listening to this episode, and you're not in this place, that is totally fine. And I don't expect you to be miserable with me. Even though you know misery. misery loves company. That's not what I'm saying here. Actually, what I would challenge you to think about as you listen to this episode, if you are in a good place, that probably someone sitting next to you, or someone you know real well, I would guarantee it, someone that you know real well is feeling that misery to how many people do you think that you interact with in a day would tell you the truth about how they're actually doing? I mean, how many times do you pass by someone and you say How you doing today? And they say I'm good? Or you say How's it going? Oh, great. How many times do those people or do you lie in that moment? In that transaction between someone else? Do you actually tell the truth? Or what about your spouse? Do you think your spouse is actually okay? Or your kids? Are they okay? The reality is, and what I want us to understand is that there are many people, so many people who are struggling, but they're afraid to talk about it. They're afraid to say you know what? I'm miserable. Because the thing is, the world tells us it's not okay to be miserable, you better be happy, or you're not a Christ follower. And I'm sorry, but I can only give so much before I'm worn out. That doesn't mean that my hope is less in what's to come. But it means that this side of heaven, things are going to be hard. And I've got to deal with that. And it doesn't make it easier. I think about Paul, and when he talks about the thorn in his flesh, I don't know exactly what he meant. It could be in a physical ailment, it could have been a mental ailment. I don't know. But I think the thorn in my flesh is anxiety and depression that I constantly have to deal with. And when I step into the world of a pandemic, of racism, of hate of politics, man, it feels like I'm being worn down. Does anybody else feel that way? And if you feel that way, are you actually telling people the truth? Now I want to be very clear, what I'm talking about here is about being vulnerable. It's not about casting hate on people. If you listen to the last episode, you'll know that what I challenged us with is to be about love to be about people who listen.
And that's, that's going to be a powerful tool in our lives. But it doesn't change the fact that many of us are struggling because all we see in the world is hate. All we see all we encounter People being negative. People being frustrated people being insecure. And Heck, we do it to people. We do it too. Now, honestly, I've been agonizing over all this. You know, even as I talk about it, I just feel so discouraged and disappointed and frustrated. And I'm telling you right now I have nothing in front of me. I'm just talking straight up to you all. Whatever the Lord is putting on my heart, I'm saying. So again, I have to ask, Where are you? How are you doing? What are you feeling right now? What do you think those people that you love and care about feel right now? I mean, really feel right now. I've read that anxiety is on the rise. Depression is on the rise all because we're in this crazy time of life right now. where everything's hitting at once. Man, again, it can wear us down. And if we can't answer the question of how we're doing, we're only lying to ourselves. About a week ago, 10 days ago, whatever it was, I found myself in a very, very dark place. I'd had some rough stuff having happened at work, I'd had some just very anxious thoughts, bad dreams, about my family, all these weird things happening all on top of I, for some reason, feel the need to get on social media at times. And while I was in this dark place, I did not want to get out of bed. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I think we even had a friend who came over, and I hid from them, because I did not want to talk to them. Not because of them. Because I didn't want to talk to anybody. I felt sick to my stomach at the idea of even walking out of our house. And, and honestly, I prayed to the Lord several times, please just take me or come back, whatever you got to do, I'm done. And I tell you that not for sympathy. Even though I appreciate it. I tell you that because I know I'm not the only person. And I'm actually in an elevated place now from where I was where I feel like maybe I can talk about this. I'm not as in deepest feelings as I were as I was. And so I imagine that there are many people who feel the same way. And you, you probably know them, you probably talk to them every day, or you talk to them once a week. And the reality is, is they're sitting over there by themselves miserable. Now, like me, there's people who just don't want someone to, to come into their life and try to help them. But let me tell you a secret. Let me tell you like the real truth. I do. And I did want someone to come after me. See, well, here's what happens. And I'm just using myself as an example. We, we load in this dark place, we we kind of we kind of sit down and take a bath in this dark water. And then we and what I would say is shame will come in. And it'll say you're a mess. Nobody is going to love you. No one's going to care about you. No one wants to hear anything you have to say. Oh, and on top of that you're not valuable at all. You're worthless. So that's what shame does. So we sit down in that bathtub, that disgusting bathtub. This is a terrible illustration, but just go with it. And we're ashamed. I know I was and I fight against it. I fight against it. I embrace. What shame is telling me I embrace what my insecurity is telling me. All the while there's people over here who actually care about me and want to love on me.
So whether you're the person in the bathtub, or you're the person over here, who wants to help, we got to fight for one another. So me going and hiding because I didn't want to talk to our friend that came over is me. Embracing shame Maybe that's not your situation, maybe you don't deal with that. But is there some way you do that? Are you withholding from someone? And that's how you let them know you're mad at them? Or are you passive aggressive, where you make people feel small, when in reality, you're miserable. And that's how you lash out. It's how you protect yourself from people getting in to help you. But the thing is, we have to fight through the forest of that insecurity. And our friends have to fight through the other side of that forest of insecurity. So that they can help pull us out. And I want to say this, but every time I stop, and I think about this, I'm reminded of what Christ did for me. I'm reminded that I was caught up in this thicket of insecurity. And what did Jesus do, he came down, cut through the weeds, they pulled me out. And we're called to do that for one another. So please, please don't sit in that dark place. And for those of you who want to help, please don't sit there naive thinking that everybody's okay. Because they're not. We get to come together, we got to join up and link arms. We got to love one another. vulnerability. I said this in an episode, I think it was Episode 26. I said vulnerability in the fall of man got replaced by shame. It, it told us that we can't be vulnerable. So what do you think the feelings I have in this very moment, as I'm talking to you our shame. I am so ashamed to tell you this. Because guess what, I'm a pastor. I'm a husband, I'm a father. And so naturally, I think, oh, if somebody listens to this, they're gonna think, Wow, why would I ever want to know that dude? That's shame people. It's my insecurity. But here's the thing, God wants me to come back to that place of vulnerability. That's what this podcast has been, and will be all about. Coming back to that place of real, authentic, vulnerable living. And that's where we all every one of us need to be. And you know, what, we should celebrate with those who are celebrating, and we shouldn't mourn with those who mourn. So I pray that you will mourn with me, as I'm working through this season of depression of anxiety. Please, no, I'm not going to do anything to myself, need to say that. But I do need your prayers. Because like I said, I'm worn out. But I also need to celebrate with those of you who are celebrating right now. When I get my mind off myself. Beautiful Things can happen. When I don't, I'm not as self centered anymore. I hope this helps. I hope this I know is so heavy, I know it is probably depressing to you. And you know, maybe you have a little anxiety about it maybe makes you feel uncomfortable, because I'm talking so raw. But maybe that's what we need. I know I have to do it. I have to say it, I have to be out there with it. And I think you know that you should too. So lean on the Lord, lean on one another. And let's get trying with it. Let's not give up. It may be a thorn in our flesh. But we still have hope to look forward to. We still have salvation, we still have the love of Jesus. All right, I want to wrap up our talk. And just challenge you to be asking yourself continually asking yourself that question. How are you doing? How's things going? And maybe ask others that question. How are they doing?
And don't take as good as the answer that you're getting from them. Push them, challenge them, to be honest, to be vulnerable, and give them the freedom and that give them permission. Remind them that you love them. No matter what that goes so far. You have no idea. All right. I feel like I've poured my heart out to you. I'm in emotionally exhausted. But I believe that this is what needed to be said. I felt like I needed to say it and I hopefully it'll hit one person and remind them, that they're not alone. And that it's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to be real. It's okay to be authentic, and we should be. So that's, that's my hope for this. Anyway. All right. Well, listen, I love you all so much, you are such a blessing to me. The fact that you even listen to this dude makes no sense to me. Obviously, you've found why I feel that way through this episode. But in all honesty, in all truth in all, transparency, it is humbling to think that there are people out there that that want to hear what I have to say. And I don't mean that in an arrogant way. I mean, that in the fact that God's using what we're doing together, not me. He's using what we're doing together, to hopefully remind people that they're not alone and they don't have to give up. And so that's what this is all about. Alright, as you head out, be sure to hit that subscribe button, join our newsletter over at aarontlee.com. Remember, I love you guys so much. Let's live real, let's be authentic, and let's get tryin.